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Joke of the Day

"I'm the kind of girl who won't stop until you're screaming your safeword. Related: Your safeword's the first 16 digits of your credit card."

"You say pigs can't fly... but swine flu!"

"why was the 6 month old African baby crying? It was having a mid life crisis"

"I shouted ""the blue Subaru with an Obama sticker left its lights on!"" at Mt. Bachelor and had the *entire* hill to myself for an hour"

"Try saying ""good luck"" without sounding sarcastic. Good luck."

"It's late and I'm wondering what my high school girlfriend is doing now. I'd call her but I know she has a big algebra test tomorrow."

"To the people who don't like me... suck it. To the people that do like me... same thing. "

"My mate recently lost all of his fingers in a horrible accident. I can't even begin to imagine how he feels."

"Had a terrible nightmare last night... I dreamt that I was forced to eat two huge marshmallows. When I woke up this morning, my pillows were gone!"

"What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant? ""Donkey!"" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work."