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Joke of the Day

"You say pigs can't fly... but swine flu!"

"I ordered a horse from a rancher, but got a mule. Seems he half-assed it..."

"Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed? To catch her false teeth."

"Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off."

"I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said: ""You have reached the end of you free trial membership at BenjaminFranklinQuotes.com."""

"""YOU AIN'T SHIT WITHOUT ME! YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE NOTHING!"" - syrup to pancakes."

"I've done it! I've solved the question we have all asked since the dawn of time. Where do we go when we die? In the ground."

"My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday. Well I can tell you, that was an awkward postcard to receive."

"same sex I have the same sex with my wife every month.."

"My mum made an accidental physics joke today. Me: What did you do today? Mum: Well, the builders that moved the garage came over and I paid them for their work done."