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Joke of the Day

"Nothing makes me more aware of my multiple personalities than listening to my entire iPod playlist on shuffle."

"How do you circumsize a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw."

"[2 paintings talking] ""hey man, guess what im doing this weekend?"" please dont say it ""JUST HANGING!"" i wanna move to a different gallery"

"What does Rihanna think of Chris Brown? beats me"

"*hostage situation* Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out... NO DON'T COME IN HERE"

"If you really think about it. Its kind of weird ""yoga pants"" are worn so much. That's like a guy wearing baseball pants to go get groceries"

"Marrying my gay friend bc it's important for couples to have common interests and we are both interested in men!"

"I'm the skeptical guy in the infomercial audience. I didn't believe a $20 food chopper could be such a good value. guess what. I was wrong."

"All the sex I've ever had in my life... has been an inside job."

"If I see you selling weed, I will call the cops.... and report a robbery across town..... then come over and buy some weed. Safety first."