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Joke of the Day

"1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns."

"Clowns divorce. Custardy battle."

"Starting a blog that's just reviews of the food I steal out of the fridge at work."

"Dad joke: What time do monkeys poop? Tree turdy."

"My grandfather once told me, ""Your generation is too reliant on technology."" So I replied, ""No, *your* generation is too reliant on technology!"" Then I disconnected his life support."

"Doctor Doctor I keep painting myself gold Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!"

"My cat died. But I know he'll forever live on in passwords."

"How does the farmer count up his cows? ...with a cowculator."

"I dream of a world where even lactose is tolerated by everyone."

"You're like a semicolon. I'm not sure exactly what to do with you."