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Joke of the Day

"People are all like ""STAY OUTTA MY LIFE GOVERNMENT"" and then they shut down and people are all like ""COME BACK IN MY LIFE GOVERNMENT"""

"*running from cops* Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit Cop: yeah me too good idea"

"What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies? Bingo."

"Why does Z hate being at the end of the alphabet? Because he spends all day with a Y's ass."

"Why can't the bike stand by itself? Because it was two-tired."

"Why was the pianist arrested? He was caught playing in A minor."

"What did the buffalo call his gay kid? His BiSon."

"Guy checks into a hotel with his family.. He goes up to the desk clerk and says, ""I hope the porn here is disabled.."" The clerk is shocked and responds, ""No, it's just regular porn, you sick fuck!"""

"Two flying turtles found a rabbit inside a hole The rabbit cried out, ""Is it midnight?"""

"What do you call an Italian's semi-formal shirt? Marco's polo"