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Joke of the Day

"Going out with two gay men tonight; I know they're my competition, but I've seen them consume bananas and I think I can take them."

"what is common between a pregnant woman and a burned pizza ?? someone forgot to pull it out"

"ME: ppl call dogs ""doggo"" now. i guess its a meme, i dont get it THERAPIST: this is $200/hr. do you want to talk about anything else? ME: no"

"What's the difference between a woman and a computer? A computer accepts a 3.5 in. floppy."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice."

"Yo momma so fat... yo momma so fat, I crashed into her for 15 minutes"

"I hear an important member of Jehovah's Witness died He's knocking on heaven's door"

"What will happen if somebody were to kill all Scotsmen? They will get off scot-free."

"[weather guy on TV] ""Today there will be 12 clouds. One is called Simon"""

"Me: I'm too full to eat anymore. Food: Are you sure. Me: No."