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Joke of the Day

"I was making breakfast, then ""She's a maniac"" came on the radio... Everything is a blur. Why am I so tired? Why am I in this steel factory?"

"Don't let that ""Metalica"" t-shirt fool you. She knows every word to Miley Cyrus' ""Wrecking Ball"""

"Me: I just stepped in dog shit, isn't that weird? Her: Not really Me: Ok, what if I told you I knew it was there?"

"Two redditors pass in an essay after the deadline - we took too long to make this page for you - try again and hopefully we will be fast enough this time"

"before cameras, people would have to say ""cheese"" for two hours while they got their portrait painted"

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two. One person holds the bulb and the other blonde twirls the other blonde around."

"I could never be a detective. I can't even solve equations, let alone crimes."

"On toilet in a stall playin TigerWoods on phone.eagled a par5.Crowd cheered.Pretty sure guy in the next stall thought I just took epic dump"

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."

"I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro"