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Joke of the Day

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ... Then I thought, ""look what's telling me that"""

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"Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird's head and that bird just kept right on eating. I've never before felt this close to nature."
"What does Vin Diesel call ""pin the tail on the donkey""? Fasten the furry ass."
"So ladies, Oscar Pistorius is single... and he is ..."
"Speed Dating Tell me something about yourself I have 3 cats What do u do for fun I have 3 cats What are you most proud about I have 3 Next"
"Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Dude, I said your hands are ruff; can't you moisturize?"
"I'm like a Ferrero Rocher in that I'm quite nutty and go down nicely with wine. I also come in family size."
"I'm not gay... But I'm starting to get suspicious that my boyfriend may be! This one was dropped on me by my 10 y/o cousin yesterday."
"What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time? Shhhhhhh."
"What do you call an evil physicist? Sinner of Gravity"