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Joke of the Day

"What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes? I won't be an accessory to this."

"What do you call an employee at a sperm bank? A nutjob"

"I would never take candy from a stranger, but I'd probably follow a trail of bacon straight into the back of a windowless white van."

"What do you get if you push a piano out of a plane over a military base? A flat major"

"I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her."

"What do you call a chess blunder where you lose your castle? A Rook-ey mistake."

"Did you hear about the blonde who got detention for flirting with boys in class? She told the teacher she wanted to go down in history..."

"Tourist: Is this 99 Main Street? Resident: No it's 66 but we turn it upside down to confuse people."

"What is the difference between Jelly and Jam? You can't jelly your cock down your girlfriend's throat."

"If I had a dollar everytime I saw a hipster... I'd have an obscure amount"