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Joke of the Day

"*Sets cellphone ringtone to sound like office fire alarm *calls cell phone *waits"

"Went to a restaurant. The sign said ""breakfast anytime."" So I ordered French toast during the renaissance"

"What does Las Vegas have in common with Scotland? Not a lot, but in both you can pay for sex with chips."

"What's the difference between amnesia and alzheimers? I can't remember."

"I took a class on 'The Silence of the Lambs' It was a Hannibal lecture."

"The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself ""do I want to see it?"" If you do, it's not on Netflix."

"none of the animals i designed and invented are at the zoo. do they even check the suggestion box"

"The only thing I have to say about Bristol Palin ""You're welcome."""

"I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book. Not only was I embarrassed it cost me more than $50 in stamps."

"I wrote 'DIVORCE', my wife wrote 'YES'. Tough way to find out, but at least I won our last game of Scrabble."