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Joke of the Day

"Why was the programmer lonely? Off-by-one error. :("

"Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids."

"COP: Did the suspect have a birthmark? MARK: He's alive so I'm assuming he had a birth, yes."

"You say potato, I say put out, ho. Otherwise, I'm calling the whole thing off."

"My boyfriend doesn't like when I give our neighbors nicknames like, ""Beard Man"" ""Jolly Girl"" and ""the one I slept with in 2009."""

"So a Priest says to a Rabbi.... ""Hey, we should go fuck those kids..."" and the Rabbi says: ""Outta what?"""

"Sex like me is like 'The Mermaid Joke' on /r/jokes right now. Hot, bloody, and it ends with a dead cow."

"I've got a banana in my drawer that I took from the office fruit basket. In 3 weeks my co-workers will pay me to throw it away. Easy money."

"What's black and runny? Usain Bolt."

"Whats the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside."