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Joke of the Day

"I didn't get groped by the TSA at all. We just kissed a little, it was nice."

"Why You Should Never Be Late for a Speaking Engagement An important public speaking lesson wrapped up in a good, clean joke."

"What do you call someone who claims to do drugs to try to look cool? A marajuannabe."

"Disguise a mini-recorder as a walkie-talkie and play this at high volume: ""DO YOU COPY? IT'S A BEAR WITH HUMAN HANDS! A BEAR WITH--[static]"""

"A cannibal's dillema: If God didn't want us to eat people why did he make them out of meat?"

"How can you tell if Hillary Clinton is lying? She's moving her lips."

"Closing time, son ""Huh?"" You don't have to go home but you can't stay here ""But I live here Dad"" *Dad stares at me* Don't forget your Xbox"

"I want to be a host at a restaurant so if someone asks for a booth I can yell, ""YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!"""

"I forgot the word ""torch"" earlier today so I googled ""fire on a stick."" I have two degrees in English."

"Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road? He was rushin'"