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Joke of the Day

"*scrawls note on deserted isle* TRAPPED ON ISLAND! HELP ME! *sends off in bottle* *it returns, months later, with reply* NEW BOTTLE WHO DIS?"

"A social gathering without food is called a ""Don't."""

"Dentist: This is gonna hurt a little. Me: Ok. Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom."

"I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning...gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head."

"Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underwear? Chernobyl fall out"

"Hardest job in the world is being a Police sketch artist in China."

"My best friend keeps bagging me for being a virgin I haven't got the courage to tell him I slept with his sister."

"I'm going as ""Twitter Elite"" for Halloween. I'm going to randomly say unfunny things and not talk to anyone who speaks to me."

"Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength? Me: Definitely my insecurities. Very strong."

"You guys I found this new great birth control called pregnant women posting pictures on Facebook."