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Joke of the Day

"How to play the Michael Brown drinking game Just stand there and take the 8 shots."

"GOD: That's the last of the animals. Now add warning colors to the poison ones ANGEL: Will do GOD: But not all of them, keep some surprises"

"Domestic violance in progress. When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on."

"Did you hear the one about the zombie telemarketer? They say he was a dead ringer."

"What is the difference between a Pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches..."

"Told my friends that I was qualified to give them Botox injections. I raised a few eyebrows."

"No LinkedIn, I do not want to display my Twitter on my profile. I would actually like to keep my chances of getting a job above zero."

"*i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine* ""Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.."" *son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*"

"I poked my eye out .("

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It got sick of hearing the vegan talk about how he saved a chicken."