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Joke of the Day

"What did one alcoholic say to the other alcoholic? I forget"

"Well Bob, I love to travel, and being my own boss is great. But I suppose my favorite thing about being a serial killer is murdering people."

"""Say your house is burning."" ""That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one."""

"The barber asks Bernie Sanders ""what are you looking to get done today?"" ""Oh, just fuck up the top 1%."" ""Say no more..."""

"Remember when you could strangle people with your phone? Those were the days.."

"If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back."

"What do you call a grandma that know martial arts? A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells."

"My ex-wife still misses me... ...BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!"

"What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? You can't here a vitamin."

"It's amazing how people in the desert never starve because of all the sand which is there."