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Joke of the Day

"When a woman says, ""We need to talk"", it's no good. Never has a woman said, ""We need to talk"" and followed it up with ""about pillow forts""."

"Nostalgia It really isn't what it used to be."

"All these Fifty Shades of Grey jokes... Guys, stop, they're whore-ible."

"I just got back from the proctologist, and she had a very fitting name. Dr. Anna Lee Finger"

"How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 30, my basement is still dark."

"Toilet paper has a lot of other uses! Your baby? Boom. It's a mummy. Your dog? Boom. Mummydog. This lamp? Boom. Your living room is on fire."

"Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said ""Oh look, 12 new followers!"""

"You know they've had sex change operations for men for a while now, right? Well they just recently started offering sex change operations for women, too. It's called the ""addadictomy""."

"Wedding day Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The ceremony wasn't that great, but let me tell ya the reception was great."

"What did the lesbian vampires say to each other? Seeya next month!"