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Joke of the Day

"A Snowman walks into a bar... ...The Batender gets angry and yells ""WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYTHING WEIRD END UP IN MY BAR?"""

"He: ""I'll catch a grenade for you."" She: ""Prove it."" He: *Plays Call of Duty*"

"I was sitting in traffic the other day got run over."

"I'm making a graph of my past relationships... I have an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis."

"Im so fucked up i wrote 3 tweets into my phone and texted them to the Hurricane Katrina fund."

"Dumb one-liner of the day: I imagine veterinarians who treat ducks put up with a lot of undeserved grief."

"What did Jay Sherman say about your breath? It stinks!"

"Superpoer Friend: If you could only own one super power what would it be? Me: USSR"

"What did they say about Baghdad after they installed too many garbage cans? It was Bin Laden"

"Little boy to airline pilot: ""You're a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting."" Pilot: ""Not if I do it right."""