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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear"

"Who's the greatest baller of all time? Pontius Pilate, he once crossed a guy up so bad he died"

"What language does a patio speak? Porch-uguese"

"I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial."

"The odds of an asteroid hitting Earth are the same as one bullet hitting another bullet in a duel. Dinosaurs: We'll take those odds!"

"Telling my daugthers date that ""she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her."" *Correct way to parent."

"One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book."

"My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time."

"Syria is wherever the Syrians are in Europe"

"The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby."