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Joke of the Day
"The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby."
Next Joke
"[wearing World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: whys there blood on your shirt? Me: its not my blood Guy bleeding out in the yard: its not your shirt"
"On the first day... ...God created the heavens and the earth. And on the second day, God created the food items in the back of my pantry."
"Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life."
"What is the difference between San Francisco and Larkspur? Larkspur has a ferry terminal, San Francisco has terminal fairies."
"""Yes, I'd like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom, please."" ""Sir, that's a sleeping bag."""
"The man that invented throat lozenges died last week... There was no coffin at the funeral."
"I really hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning. I don't want to die, sometime in the afternoon would be nice, or even the next day"
"How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, ""Pssh, I can do that."""
"How can you tell a redneck girl is a virgin? She can run faster than her brother."