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Joke of the Day

"Tried explaining Twitter to my dad, but his ""why would you want to do that?"" argument was pretty bulletproof."

"I like my oreos like I like my people... ...held under the surface till the bubbles stop."

"Well-behaved is past tense for me."

"I got banned from /r/ELI5 the other day I don't understand why"

"Smoke marijuana... Smoke marijuana, Take over the government, This is a high coup."

"What is the title of a show where children pawn items? Child Pawnography"

"A good way to break up with a girl is to leave her a trail of rose petals starting from her front door to North Korea."

"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman is Beautiful..... Bitches love being called beautiful!"

"I don't understand why everyone is mad at Lance Armstrong... Like I give him props... Have you ever tried biking before on drugs? It's fucking hard."

"What do you say to a black man in a suit? Will the defendant please rise?"