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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand why everyone is mad at Lance Armstrong... Like I give him props... Have you ever tried biking before on drugs? It's fucking hard."

"If I had the power to time travel, I would mostly just use it to stop past me from eating stuff from the fridge that I'd like to eat now."

"Damn girl, are you damn girl? Cuz damn girl."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? You'd think it was some really obscure number, but it's just one, ironically."

"What did the horse say to the other horse? Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!"

"Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming."

"Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude's pubes out of marble."

"Why You Should Never Be Late for a Speaking Engagement An important public speaking lesson wrapped up in a good, clean joke."

"I can always tell which waiters are just in it to make money and which are in it for the love of grossly exaggerating how hot plates are."

"Watched 'Man of Steel' in Spanish for 7 minutes before realizing something was off."