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Joke of the Day

"""No. No birthdays, Christmas or modern medicine.. But you sure do make great friends going door-to-door"" *Door slams - Jehova's Witnesses"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes A fsh"

"Birds that land and then WALK across the street... what the hell is wrong with you?"

"My wife is a sex object Every time I ask for sex she objects."

"What's the difference between a snowman and a snowoman? Snowballs."

"I like my woman like my espresso; Bitter, exhilarating, and some sort of Italian I guess."

"[wife gets home & sees shit on the rug] What's this? ""It was Rover he w.."" *dog makes throat slice gesture* ""It was me. I shit on the rug"""

"After a few days without my phone, I've learned what's really important in life. My phone."

"Sochi is doing that thing where they manically try to clean the house 10 minutes before company arrives. But the house is Russia."

"Why did man invent curling? To convince women sweeping was a sport."