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Joke of the Day
"Why are so many people obese these days? Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99"
Next Joke
"When you lick the icing off a spoon... Are you defrosting it?"
"Care free shrimp pasta is... Happy-go-lucky scampi."
"What's honey mustards least favorite holiday? Cinco de Mayo"
"If you can't afford to get your wisdom teeth removed... Try crystal meth, it really is a miracle drug. *disclaimer: may remove more teeth than expected."
"What was the middle aged man charged with when he was found fondling a calf? Sexual Moolestion"
"The family pet is getting old so we're all pitching in and throwing the dog poop in the neighbors yard when she can't make it over there."
"THEM: Let's head down to Paradise City. I heard the girls are really hot there. ME: What's the grass situation?"
"Two fish in a tank One turns to the other and says ""how do you drive this thing?"" Repost from a comment on /r/askreddit"
"'Twas the night before Christmas, and everyone knew, you were still out shopping, yes, it sucks to be you."