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Joke of the Day

"Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate."

"I don't trust atoms. Because they make up everything"

"How do Buddhist monks compare interests? With zen diagrams!"

"I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Did you hear about the linoleum factory in France that exploded? The locals call it Linoleum Blown-apart."

"Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans."

"Last night I dreamt that I wrote 'Lord of the Rings'. I realized I was just Tolkien in my sleep..."

"One man's trash is another man's treasure. Haha you are adopted. Credit to this post? https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/3715bp/one_mans_trash_is_another_mans_treasure_would_be/"

"What do you call a short physic that has escaped from jail? A small medium at large"

"Why does superman have balls of steel? I wouldn't know, i don't know the canon that well"