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Joke of the Day

"Marijuana should've been legalized at the same time as same sex-marriage because it says in the bible, a man who lies with another man shall be stoned"

"[Takes dog to park] *waits for romantic comedy to begin"

"What is 6.9? A good time ruined by a period."

"I told Siri that no one understands me. She said: ""I don't know what you mean by *no one understands me*"""

"God once put his dick in a box as a gift and called it the Omnipresent."

"Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human"

"Somebody once told me I was a real skeptic... I didn't believe 'em."

"What do vampires call menstrual cups? Shot glasses."

"Why was Helen Keller such a terrible driver? Because she was a woman."

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. *drops mic, gets beat by security*"