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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a camera and a foot? A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)"

"I'm going to start rapping under the name ""Jay Y"" So I can tell Jay Z ""I'm coming for you"""

"Doctor asks a patient... Do you use drugs or alcohol? Patient: Nope, but I vape. Doctor: So a no for sexual activity?"

"""Can I watch you open it?"" -Weird UPS guy"

"The most stable relationship I've had is with a guy at the gym who has no idea we've been dating for the past year."

"Son : ""Dad, who did I get my intelligence from ?"" Dad : ""It must be from your mother. I still have mine"""

"Where does Peter Pan like to eat out? Wendy's."

"Damn girl, are you an appendix because I have no idea what you do but this weird feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out."

"*breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?"

"Pirate Nuts Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender says ""You know you got a steering wheel stickinn out of your pants?"" ""Aye! It's drivin me nutts."""