220113

Joke of the Day

"Doctor asks a patient... Do you use drugs or alcohol? Patient: Nope, but I vape. Doctor: So a no for sexual activity?"

"What happened when Harry Potter had sex with a pig? He got hog warts."

"An Eel asked an Eagle: do you know why we can't team up? Eagle: No, why? Eel: Because it would be EEL-Eagle!"

"[at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building"

"Why do women need to wear jockstraps while skydiving? To prevent them from whistling."

"Where's Jesus when you need him. There's only 2 fish sticks left and I've got company coming."

"""You're an alcoholic."" I prefer the term 'bar-barian'"

"Me: ""OMG, my abs are so sore!"" 12: (sarcastically) ""What abs?"" Me: ""The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."""

"If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives."

"Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Moscow? He got snowed in."