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Joke of the Day

"My experience with organized crime was getting two friends to help me tip a vending machine while I reached up inside for chips."

"Why do grocery stores double-bag everything? Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong?"

"Can you just bear with me for a moment? *grabs salmon out of stream. bites head off. hibernates.*"

"A chinese couple moves to Africa and the woman soon becomes pregnant. 9 months later, the woman gives birth to a half African and half Chinese baby. The man names the baby Sum Ting Wong."

"What is the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until the boy is 14 to come on his face"

"There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered!"

"My friends told me we were going for a ride and I called ""Shotgun""... ... they did'nt tell me we we're actually going for a drive-by. FML :("

"Daaaaamn boy. Are you an Adobe update? Cause you keep showing up and I still don't want you."

"Here's how science works..,, if it's not your idea you think it's insane. Thank you, I'll be here all night! #science #joke"

"Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his critics? A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame."