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Joke of the Day

"Why are dogs always SENSITIVE? ------------ Because they have tears in their eyes"

"Why did I throw my phone out of my window? Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane..."

"[annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?"

"A man walks into a bar... ...ouch"

"I Wish I was a Wal Mart Truck Driver... Because I missed Tracy Morgan on Saturday."

"Remember, when you're driving in the snow, it's important to speed up and go as fast as you can so you don't get stuck."

"Why your convertible is like the best girlfriend you've ever had (1) She enjoys when you're inside her (2) She squeals when you're going hard and fast (3) She takes her top off whenever you ask"

"*buys shed at B&Q* B&Q: Are you putting this up yourself? Me: No, it's going in the garden. B&Q: Me: B&Q: I can't help you anymore."

"What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard? Bigfoot is occasionally sighted"

"With great power comes Greater difficulty in factorizing the polynomial."