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Joke of the Day
"Nice try, St. Patrick's Day, but I don't need a reason to drink."
Next Joke
"I finally figured out what every woman wants. It's security. Thats what they are yelling everytime I talk to them."
"I had my stag do in Amsterdam. To remember the occasion my mates got me a sweater. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, however."
"I don't need a calendar to tell me winter is approaching *strokes wife's leg hair*"
"Good cop: we found her body in the river Cop who doesn't want people knowing he can't swim: I was sick that day otherwise I'd have found it"
"""Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."" --Guy who doesn't understand how sleep works"
"What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs are both the same."
"A Russian bomber was intercepted 20 miles from Los Angeles at 5:17am this morning, but no one wants to talk about it 'cause I made it up."
"What would Dorothy have said if she practiced Yoga instead of new age magical thinking? There's no place like OM."
"My Muslim friend went on a Eurotrip this summer... Told me he had an absolute blast at every country he visited"