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Joke of the Day

"I don't need a calendar to tell me winter is approaching *strokes wife's leg hair*"

"What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer? Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle..."

"A mobster walks into a bar, but then he turns around and walks out. Because he realized it was a set-up."

"How much did Juan weigh after eating Chinese food? Juan ton"

"Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82... ...I'm easily lead"

"I don't like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth."

"What do hippies call there sex life before they get married? Prius"

"Which Jedi can save PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi"

"3 rules for having good teeth: brush and floss twice a day, see your dentist twice a year, and keep your nose out of other peoples business."

"BREAKING: 30 people feared soothed in Yankee Candle fire."