180601

Joke of the Day

"Why did the young soldier go off searching for a wounded prostitute? A cowboy told him there was a hoedown."

"What is the difference between a cop and a box of chocolates? Nothing. They'll both kill your dog."

"They'll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that's been open for more than 2 years."

"What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer."

"Good Cop: *reaches for his gun* Intimate Moment Cop: *reaches for the same gun and their hands touch*"

"Parallel lines have so much in common... It's a shame that they'll never meet."

"What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus? The look on their face when you're nailing them."

"A baby seal walks into a club... Think about it...lol"

"If I contract a disease any time soon I want it to be scurvy or the plague because I'm a history buff."

"Twitter's ""suggestions for you"" should include the basics, too, like ""get more sleep"" and ""have you responded to that email from your mom?"""