180505

Joke of the Day

"Everyone in my family is quite wealthy and successful... ...but I hate following the crowd, so I decided to become a panhandler instead. I beg to differ."

"Can someone explain to me why I agreed to go camping this weekend? I'm pretty sure tents don't have wifi and I will most likely die."

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in the car in an abortion clinic parking lot? Going inside to ask for a hanger."

"If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are ... you have small boobs."

"Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk."

"Why is the all-seeing eye the symbol of the occult? Because they want us all under super-vision!"

"What is the difference between snowmen and snowomen? Snowballs."

"Pedophiles lobby for slower speed limits at school zones"

"I too like my women the same way as I like my coffee... Constantly berating me making me wish I was dead."

"there has been a shooting at the Westboro Baptist church... police report 3 dozen cheerful bystanders, yet nobody claims to have seen who did it."