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Joke of the Day

"Can someone explain to me why I agreed to go camping this weekend? I'm pretty sure tents don't have wifi and I will most likely die."

"What did the man say when he stopped piggybacking his fat friend? ""Man, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!"""

"Why is it unjust to blame taxi drivers for cheating us? We call them to take us in. (From The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Handbook of Conundrums, by Edith B. Ordway. So this is a century old joke.)"

"My wife looked different today then it dawned on me. Her mouth was closed..."

"Where is your 1,000 word essay? ""Right here"" *pulls out selfie* That's a picture... ""A picture is worth 1,000 words"" *becomes valedictorian*"

"Imagine if a guy with a stutter was named History because History repeats himself"

"Whats the difference between Santa Clause and me ? Santa Only Cums Once A Year"

"What do gay zombies say? Heeeeyyyyrrrrrrraaarrrrrgggggg."

"Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. (Stolen from my science textbook)"

"Bruce Willis is at IKEA when a toilet plunger falls off a shelf and sticks to his head. he doesn't notice until the following day"