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Joke of the Day

"did you hear about the constipated mathematician? he worked it out with a pencil.... a number two pencil"

"How do mice celebrate when they move home ? With a mouse warming party !"

"""I'd tap that."" ~tap dancer, about a song he really likes"

"My wife says I don't listen to her. I think that's what she said, anyhow."

"Son: ""Dad, did you get shot in the army?"" Dad: ""No, I only got shot in the leggy."""

"There is little hope for the person who becomes addicted to cold turkey."

"A rapist, a pedophile and a priest walks into a bar."

"If every time I didn't have something nice to say, I didn't say it at all, people would think I was a mute."

"Why did the dorito feel left out? Cause he didn't chip in!"

"If humans can grow up to 8 feet... Why do I only ever see them with 2?"