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Joke of the Day

"One time I actually found a magic lamp with a genie inside but it was back in 2005 so that's why I have three Motorola Razrs."

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"How do you get three popes into a Volkswagen? You take off their hats"
"A man, his wife and a son find a genie and get 3 wishes. Son: a hamster! Dad: fuck hamster! Mom: don't fuck the hamster!"
"Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful."
"I hope my kids love the gifts they receive for Christmas so I'll have more things to take away when I need to punish them"
"Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive"
"If you are reading this, you are not Floyd Mayweather."
"My dancing style can best be described as ""Guy On Maury Who Just Found Out He Isn't The Father."""
"How do you say hi to a Muslim in Hawaii? Aloha Akbar."
"What do you call a wet spy? James Pond ( )"