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Joke of the Day

"A man, his wife and a son find a genie and get 3 wishes. Son: a hamster! Dad: fuck hamster! Mom: don't fuck the hamster!"

"A policeman just knocked on the door. He said, ""It looks like your wife has been in an accident..."" I said ""Yes but she has a great personality!"""

"'Space Jam' never gets old - that's because in the sterile environment of space fruit preserves don't spoil. Hi, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson."

"Finally watching Michael Bay's TMNT. Best part so far is a dude answering a Skype call and yelling ""How did you get this number?!?"""

"NSFW Men are like a deck of cards... You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his fucking face in and a spade to bury the bastard!"

"They say the music you listen too is tied to your personality;I listen to Chris Brown. Two counts of assault and one hit and run."

"Please end the Jew jokes. I had a relative that died in a concentration camp. Poor bastard fell right out of the guard tower."

"Elon Musk's new MasterCard Ad. Getting a person to Mars?: $100,000. Getting them back?: Priceless."

"What did Buddha say to the Pizza guy? ""Make me one with everything."""

"FARMER: can I help you, sir? ME: this ain't my first rodeo, buddy FARMER: [narrows eyes] ME: ok maybe it is [climbs off sheep]"