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Joke of the Day

"Wife's Dream! Wife: ""In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."" Husband: ""I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."""

"What is the biggest mistake Steve Jobs ever made? He thought it was ""being at Apple every day"", not ""eating an apple every day""."

"Why do the best swimmers come from Flint, Michigan? Because they're always in the lead."

"If you're a copyright attorney and your slogan isn't ""Carpe TM,"" go fuck yourself."

"Why did Princess Diana divorce Prince Charles? She was always told a ruler was 12 inches!"

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous... The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

"What do you call a midget with epilepsy that makes pizza? Little Seizures..."

"The voice actor for The Count on Sesame Street passed away this year... I guess his number was up."

"Computers and my spouse are very similar in some ways. If ever there is something wrong, it's probably my fault."

"Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It's true, It runs in your jeans."