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Joke of the Day

"A couple approaches on the beach. He calls her ""Allison."" I write, ""Marry me, Allison,"" in the sand and hide. And now we wait."

"What did Cinderella say when she got down to the ball? Mmmrrggglllrrsllurp"

"What do you call a girl with a tight vagina from Hong Kong? A Chinese finger trap"

"What band was Harambe In? Gorillaz"

"Tried to make a joke in my math class and no one laughed. I think they were 2/10's."

"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation for the Abandoned Children's Home...so I gave him my kids."

"You shouldn't make fun of people who use Viagra. It's hard enough for them already."

"Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth.I woke up half an hour later and my whole house was on the internet"

"Picking up a tiny piece of paper off the carpet would probably only take me one second... But for some reason I'd rather vacuum over it 100 times, at different angles..."

"[my laboratory] ME: I'VE DONE IT! MOUSE WITH EAR GROWING ON IT'S BACK: Holy crap keep it down."