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Joke of the Day

"[texting] ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game. me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident."

"What is the easy way to get a wild elephant ? Get a tame one and annoy it !"

"My ex and I didn't work out, you could say our stars didn't align I'm a Cancer she was a cunt. She was anything but a Virgo, and her Pisces smelt like a Taurus."

"Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity? They're ape purists"

"Costco is a great place to go if you want to shop for 15 minutes and then stand in line and judge people for an hour."

"I've heard that pineapple juice makes your semen taste better, so I decided to try it. The semen tasted better, but the juice tasted much worse."

"Why did the Russian man get food poisoning? Because NE-coli."

"my high school class voted me ""most likely to hover over the snack table at the ten year reunion"""

"Apparently Mr. Skeltal joined the band Imagine Dragons. I heard they were going back to their doots."

"People who email you Spam...Email them Porn! Problem solved "