180157

Joke of the Day

"I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day... ...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket. They also said it had to be mine."

"What country has the most people? Brazil... They've got Brazillions"

"What's your favorite city in China? Taiwan"

"I honestly didn't think it would be this difficult to resist sexting Oprah during my morning commute."

"Vegetarians eat vegetables... What do veterinarians eat? (you thought I was gonna ask about humanitarians, didn't you?)"

"First line in frozen pizza instructions: DO NOT EAT FROZEN PIZZA W/OUT COOKING. It's almost like they know I'm the target demographic."

"Why did the retired police officer decide to become a DJ? So he could still get to say ""Put your hands in the air."""

"I think it's a bad sign that when 9 tries to play charades, everyone's first guess is ""constipation."""

"A philosopher friend is just telling you about how his obesity is actually very healthy, how do you convinve him otherwise? Push him over the bridge to stop his train of thought."

"Monogamy First, do no harem."