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Joke of the Day

"Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive."

"Donald Trump is Boycotting Oreos Deez Nuts lives on a farm eatin all healthy. Donald Trump has reportedly boycotted Oreos. Guess you could say Deez Nuts is rubbing off on him."

"Here's $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me."

"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."

"Guys, I'm getting a little offended by these racist jokes. I had a black friend. . . ... Until my dad sold him."

"[job interview] ""So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?"" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?"

"What's half a joke look like?"

"If Captain Obvious ever got an archenemy I would expect him to be named Major WTF Now that's one Major WTF. No kidding Captain Obvious."

"I had a dream I was completely weightless... I was like... 0mg!"

"You don't put your dick in crazy because you'll probably get hurt... You don't put your dick in stupid because you'll probably get hertz"