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Joke of the Day

"What's the most musical part of a fish? Its scales."

"Scientists now believe that approx 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher"

"The declawed cats that I feel most sorry for are the ones that want to play scratch off lottery tickets."

"So a lady with Parkinson's orders a grande decaf peppermint soy latte no whip and I forgot to put the lid on."

"Why do blacks wear white gloves? So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls."

"How do you titillate and ocelot? You oscillate it's tit a lot!"

"I started dating a psychiatrist. Now I'm afraid of commitment."

"1:40am. I get up to pee and step on a squeaky dog toy. He grabs a bat by the bed and yells, ""Fried chicken!"" So are the days of our lives."

"Two over achievers walk into a bar.. Clearly it wasn't set high enough."

"A ghost couple were arguing... ""I don't believe a single word you tell me,"" the ghost girlfriend said to her ghost boyfriend, ""I can see right through you!"""