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Joke of the Day

"Her: About last night, please understand that wasn't me... that was the wine. Me: ... Her: ... Me: Do you have a phone number for that wine?"

"I printed out this website's logo and then I realised I didn't need it. Should I throw out the piece of paper or should I... Shreddit"

"Kids wont go to sleep so I'm playing hide&seek. And now they'll never find me, because they aren't old enough to drive or get into this bar."

"What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch? There is no cod"

"*Sees old 1987 ford mustang and gets in* Lets see if this baby still works *pulls baby out of backpack* *baby cries* Great! *Puts it back*"

"I'm having trouble discerning my Twitter voice from my professional one. I just said ""What's up, slut?"" to our receptionist. Frigid bitch."

"What do you call a Mexican firefighter? Jose"

"Want to hear a short joke? A midget walks under a bar."

"[Walking into the gym Jan 1st] Trainer: Hello! This is a great life change you're making. Me: [confused] This used to be an Olive Garden.."

"I want to tell a joke here... ...but it's about sex and I don't think most redditors get it"