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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an alcoholic and a necrophiliac? One goes to the bar for a cold one. The other goes to a morgue."

"I think my dog wants to be a carpenter. He likes roofing."

"I always buy a woman a popsicle on the first date to get a feel for how things might go later."

"I've been having an affair with a film director's wife. Yesterday he caught us in bed together. He was furious. I said to him, ""Look, mate, don't make a scene."""

"Friends are like trees. If you chop them down with an axe they will die."

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."

"Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of."

"A study found that Buzzfeed is the least trusted news source in media. Serves them right for telling me I belong in Hufflepuff."

"Toddler tech support: ""Did you try throwing it and crying?"""

"I invented a new word. Plagiarism. --- EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you."