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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a dirty drug addict with a lisp? Methy"

"Calling someone ""stupid"" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it's just a diagnosis."

"Hey, little bird! Maybe you wouldn't have to move your head around so much looking for threats if you didn't make so much god damn noise!"

"I don't understand why it's called a Chastity Belt. Everyone I know named Chastity is a stripper."

"*makes plans with someone* (30 seconds later) what have I done"

"Don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes. Unless he wears Crocs. You just know he's a total douche jacket at that point."

"What's the difference between an old bus station and a lobster with a boob job? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!"

"I heard German invented new DDR-memory... It's called ""cyclone bee"""

"I like .... Every knows I like my kids the way I like farmed chicken Caged I like my kids the way I like my wine 7 years old and in my basement Post some good ones in the comments"

"TIFU by sending nudes to everyone in my address book. Costed me a fortune in stamps."