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Joke of the Day

"Three nuns are sitting on a park bench. Then a man comes up and exposes himself to them. Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach"

"Just updated my resume. Hobbies section now includes: ""Currently tied with Lance Armstrong in Tour de France victories."""

"A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. ...and his wife is livid. ""You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!"" ""No,"" slurs the mathematician... ""I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."""

"Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski"

"Life on earth is expensive, but it does include an annual free trip around the sun"

"Store Sign: ""WE HAVE MACE"" Think that's going to keep me from shopping here?"

"Why did the spy cross a road? Because he never was on your side."

"I was going to invest in the Microsoft HoloLens but... ...Their projections weren't very good."

"Two gay men are having sex when a fire breaks out in their apartment. Who gets out first, the top or the bottom? The bottom-- he already has his shit packed."

"An Irishman applies to a job at a Blacksmiths ""Have you any experience at shoeing horses?"" asks the Blacksmith ""No"" says the Irishman ""but i once told a donkey to fuck off"""