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Joke of the Day

"I would fake a heart attack but this coworker would just try to finish his story in the ambulance ride to the hospital."

"Why do credit cards not work in France? They don't understand the concept of charging."

"What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? Michael Phelps can actually finish a race!"

"What do you call an angry German? A sauerkraut"

"I bought a dry erase board to improve my time management skills but the only thing that's improved is my ability to draw dicks."

"Day two of the Insanity Workout. Half hour of talking to a lamp. Half hour of eating mulch. Fifty YouTube comments."

"I was in the world trade center and always wondered why planes get bigger and bigger as they get closer and closer. And than it hit me."

"What's worse than raining cats and dogs? 9/11"

"How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I'd be surprised if you could fit two in there"

"What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he's raping someone? ""Come with me if you want to live!"""