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Joke of the Day
"I like the way the earth revolves! It really makes my day!"
Next Joke
"I've got good news and bad news. The good news is this tweet is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing."
"How come when a child shouts ""This is dumb"" at a wedding it's considered cute, but when I do it, I'm immediately replaced by another priest?"
"I'm interested in anything with a possible ""loss of appetite"" side effect."
"[Christmas] 6:30kids are excited 7:30kids are playing 8:00kids are fighting 9:00kids are crying 9:15wife is yelling 9:30I am drinking"
"What is Fonzi's favorite letter of the alphabet? ""F"", for Fonzi. Duh."
"I wonder if nails ever get tired of being hit on."
"My wife got a seashell tattoo on her thigh. When you put your ear on it you can smell the ocean."
"Lawyer: so tell me, why was my client's mouth bleeding? Dentist: he doesn't floss Me: You hit me! D: [puts lips on mic] bc you don't floss"
"I decided to play agar.io again... Now I hate my cellf"