178984

Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty!"

"I wanna live to be so old that my first thought every day when I wake up is ""shit, still here""."

"Welcome to the website for sufferers of arthritis Click to find out more"

"Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever."

"My daughter lost her 1st tooth today so I'm staying up all night to see The Rock in a tutu."

"Did you hear about the two ducks who got in a fight? Fowl play was suspected."

"It's funny to watch you girls on Facebook whine and cry about your drama in one status and then the next....10 mins later ""Pedi's, mani's now and drinks with my besties later, life is great""!!"

"I got my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. I know it's not the greatest gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it."

"Read on r/todayilearned that Saint Ambrose was the first person to practice silent reading... ...which is crazy, because typically, Catholics never shut up about their favorite book."

"[Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] ""He was literally kermit the frog"""